HoldingWater

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots.

So far, the Universe is winning

Rich Cook

….isn’t that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Steven Wright

Chatting last week with Graeme, a friend from work, the topic of conversation got round to Terry Pratchett. As always this ends up with a round of ‘if your work colleagues were a character from the Discworld who would they be?’.

The Patrician, Librarian, Foul ole Ron and CMOT Dibbler instantly spring to mind.

So, to all those Pratchett fans out there who do you think best describes you? Do you see yourself as Bloody Stupid Johnson, Twoflower, a wizzard of Unseen University or, dread the thought, Nobby Nobbs!

I’d see myself as the Bursar – feed me a few dried frog pills and you may just get some sense out of me, otherwise just give me something shinny to play with and i’ll keep myself amused.

Since I was a young boy I’ve been a fan or motor racing, in particular formula one. I have many a fond memory of sitting in front of the television after a hearty Sunday lunch listening to the ever increasing pitch of Murray Walker’s commentary as the action of the day increases in its intensity the closer we get to the checked flag. Disturbed only by the occasional snore coming from my father as he once again dozes off in his favourite rocker (always the pudding that does it never the wine!)

Sadly, we very rarely have the opportunity to benefit from Murray’s insight since his retirement, however i think his shoes have been well filled by Martin however he can come up with some very bizarre assessments of the situation.

This afternoon’s race at Spa for example – during the course of his commentary Martin, with his usual panache, delivered the line “Lewis’s driving needs to be as sharp as a Kumquat”

Even Jonathan Legard sounded a little surprised at hearing this one.

Being uneducated in the world of tropical fruit and expecting a comparison to Lewis’s precision driving and sharp attention to detail, a picture of a rather lethal lethal looking fruit sprang to mind something that you’d think twice about messing with.

Armed with a vivid picture of a fruit that would not look out of place in the hands of a dwarf in a Terry Pratchett novel a quick visit to Google soon highlighted my ignorance. For those who don’t know a Kumquat is a small orange citrus fruit, round and smooth without a thorn or razor sharp edge in sight.

Which of course makes perfect sense! – Lewis drove a really smooth race out in front from start to finish with only one hairy moment where he just managed to avoid hitting a tyre wall after slipping off track in the rain.

Whilst I still think my version of a Kumquat would have been better, if anyone did drive in that style F1 would probably looking more like a sequel to Death Race